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By Gaki (tooboe @ blue-prism.net) GenSouKai Arc when Hisoka is lost and alone in the desert. Just something I wrote awhile back and decided to post because of the lag on Chapter 13 of PM ^_^;
Constantly ignoring,
I want to go home. Why aren't you with me? … Tsuzuki… He tried not to cry as he hugged himself. He tried not to open his eyes and see the darkness all around him and fought off the urge to cry. He tried to stay strong and not frighten himself with the thoughts of eyes in the darkness looking at him from where he couldn't find them. Yet it was hard. It was hard because he was all alone in the night and the only source of heat or light was the small fire before him. And it was cold. It was so cold and he had nothing to warm himself with. He shivered and hugged his arms around himself more. His eyes hurt, his back was aching and somewhere deep in his chest he was in pain. It was stupid of him to be suddenly cowering like he was and he didn't know exactly why he was like this. Or rather, he knew exactly why he was acting like a child and that was why he was trying so hard to be strong. He knew exactly why he was so frightened and tired and wanted nothing more than to go home. Yet his home wasn't anywhere near him. His home was too far away and he didn't know his way back and he cursed himself then for being so stupid. He cursed himself for trying to act tough and he cursed himself for not listening to the one person who showed the most concern to him. Then he wondered when it all happened. He wondered when it all started; when had he needed the other man so much that spending only a few days away from him would hurt this much? When did he become so used to the constant smiles and affection that he felt so alone when he didn't have them anymore? When did he start to need the other man more than anyone else? When did he forgot what it felt like to be alone and be used to it and not need the company of anyone else? A slight pause before a friendly voice spoke. "… Because you're my partner." And he was given a smile. No. Not that time. At that time he'd only considered Tsuzuki as an idiot. He'd only thought of Tsuzuki as someone who would be stupid enough to risk his own life for someone he didn't know. He'd thought that the person he had to work with was nothing more than a simple minded man who didn't know how to be serious. No, the first time they met wasn't what changed him. First impressions are everything and his first impression of Tsuzuki was that he was not worth his time. He lifted his head as the wind blew wildly against him, his eyes wide. It was so dark out there beyond the light of the fire. It was so dark and lonely and empty and filled with things he didn't know. And that didn't ease him any bit. He thought about snakes then. He thought about their scales and their eyes and the way they would look at you without blinking and shivered. He hated snakes. He hated and feared them with their unblinking eyes. As if they could see into him, as if they knew what he was and they were all laughing at him. He didn't know why he hated them, he only knew that he did. He only knew that he used to have dreams about them wrapping around his small body and squeezing him tighter and tighter until he couldn't breathe anymore. He only knew that he used to dream about their tongues touching his face and their scales rubbing against his skin and he'd woken up screaming in the middle of the night because of that. And he was seeing them again right now. There beyond the light of the fire he could see them smiling at him. He could see their gleaming unblinking eyes with their long fork tongue beckoning to him to join them. Goosebumps grew on his arms and legs as he pressed himself back more against the hard rock behind him. He wanted them to go away. He wanted them to leave him alone and never come back again. He wanted the sun to come up again and chase the snakes with the unblinking eyes away from him. He wanted to be able to open his eyes and find that he wasn't where he was and that he was at home. He wanted to close his eyes and open them again to find that he was still back in Tenku and that he hadn't done anything stupid and that Tsuzuki was still with him. Yet when he did so he was still where he was. When he closed his eyes and opened them again he was still alone and lost in the desert. Then his chest started to hurt. His chest started to cave in on itself and his throat felt thick. He'd opened his eyes and found himself still alone in the desert. Not even Riko was here. Not even his silly strange shikigami was here to sing songs for him and to keep him company. He swallowed thickly as his vision blurred slightly, his hands clutching at his jacket. What… should I do now…? There was no one around to answer him. There was no one around to smile and pet his head and tell him to cheer up. There was no one with him to laugh and plea and hug him. There was no one to tell him anything and he was lost. He was so lost and he didn't know where to run to. He didn't like it. He didn't like being alone anymore. He was afraid of being alone. He was afraid because he'd gotten so used to having him by his side. He was frightened because he couldn't hear him anymore. He was scared because he couldn't hear his laughter, hear his voice or even hear his thoughts. He was scared because he didn't notice before just how quiet everything was when he wasn't around. He was afraid because whenever he wasn't around he would start to think about things he would only think when he was alone. And he didn't want to think about them. And then he thought about how stupid he had been. He thought 'if only'. If only he'd listen to Tsuzuki. If only he'd seen that Tsuzuki was warning him. If only he'd seen that Tsuzuki was trying to keep him safe. If only he'd calm himself down a bit just to listen but he didn't and now he didn't have anyone to tell him what to do anymore. And then he realized that he was still just a child. He then realized that without Tsuzuki he didn't know what to do. He then realized how much he needed Tsuzuki to just be there with him. He realized that as long as Tsuzuki was still by his side, he could still find out what to do. He could still think about how he could get out of this mess. But Tsuzuki wasn't by his side anymore. Tsuzuki was back in Tenku and he was still here. And as he thought about that, as he thought about how warm everything used to be when he had Tsuzuki with him, Hisoka slowly closed his eyes so that he wouldn't have to see the emptiness around him anymore. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't feel so lonely. He closed his eyes so that he could picture in his mind that Tsuzuki was still with him. He closed his eyes and he saw gentle violet eyes gazing down at him. He closed his eyes and he saw a happy smiling face and a hand reaching out to pat him on the head. He closed his eyes and he could almost hear Tsuzuki say softly to him… "Come on, Hisoka. Let's go home…"
I can't run anymore, |