Notes: Wow, I feel so productive! I think this is probably because I’ll be heading back to school in two weeks and then I’ll be too busy to work on any fics for a while, so I’m just writing down every idea I can think of. And also there’s the fact that my summer job bores the hell out of me, so I get lots of ideas there. So now that I’ve gotten “Your Standard Shounen-Ai Fic” out of my system, I’m going to get started on the real challenge: a character study of Tsuzuki Asato. To stop myself from ranting, all I’m going to say is that I don’t think Tsuzuki went through a partner a week or something like that because, well, that comes out to about 3500 partners and I just don’t want to have to come up with that many names and personalities. ---------- The Only Way to Go by Blackened Rose (kurobara_kakumei @ yahoo.com) ---------- Prologue ---------- /Conscious.../ The young man awoke to find himself surrounded by darkness. Or rather, to be more precise, nothingness. /Why do I always come back?/ The young man sighed. /I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be...I don’t want to *be.*/ He made a move to do what he always did when he returned to himself, which was to slit his wrists, to cut as deeply as he could, cutting to the bone, pushing so hard that the razor might come out the other side of his arm. But he couldn’t move his hands. He didn’t have any. /What? What happened to me?/ “Tsuzuki Asato,” a voice boomed through the void. /That name...my name. Yes, that *is* my name./ A dim light suddenly emerged, and Asato found himself sitting on his knees before a large, elaborately decorated altar. He saw that he no longer wore his hospital gown but a formal yukata. The voice had come from the center of the dimness, where a shadowy figure in an ancient robe sat on a throne. “Speak, Tsuzuki Asato.” /I...can’t. I haven’t talked in eight years./ “You can, and you will. Now.” Asato started, slightly frightened by the power in the figure’s voice. After sitting for a moment in silence, preparing his voice for use again, Asato nonetheless heard it crack as he obeyed the figure’s order. “Wh--where am I? This...this isn’t where I spent the last eight years.” “No. You weren’t dead then. But you are now.” “Dead?” “Yes. Welcome to Meifu, Tsuzuki Asato. I am Enma, the Lord of the Dead.” So it happened. After all that, he was dead. Strangely enough, he wasn’t sure how. Had he succeeded in committing suicide? He didn’t think so. However, that line of thought wasn’t particularly important to him. There was really only word echoing through his brain when he learned of his fate. /Finally./ “You seek redemption, Asato.” The declaration took Asato by surprise. /Is that true? No, no, I don’t deserve to be redeemed./ “Nonetheless, that’s what you want. And you can earn it, by my own approval.” /I can be...saved?/ The tiniest spark of hope began to grow inside Asato, but he was determined not to let it live. Nothing about him was allowed to live, after all. /No, impossible./ “You doubt my word?” Asato suddenly realized that he was contradicting Enma Daioh, and that was an Extremely Bad idea. “No, I mean...” “You *can* be redeemed, Asato. All you have to do is ask.” /Ask? But...no. No, no, no. I will not ask for it. I don’t deserve forgiveness, or redemption. Not for all the suffering I’ve caused. I only want it all to end. I just want it to go away./ “The past cannot be undone. That is outside even *my* power. You cannot escape; you can only move forward. If you wish to be free of your past, you cannot do something as simple as *run* from it, Asato.” Asato was silent for a long moment before replying. “Then...what must I do?” “Join me. Become a shinigami.” “What?” “Collect the souls of those who have died. That is your path to redemption, Asato.” “I...no...I can’t...” “You were expecting what I offer you to be easy? What kind of path to redemption would that be? You must stop seeking the easiest escape, Asato, or else you will change nothing.” Asato was silent once again. Having run from his own mind for so long, he had forgotten what it was like to have thoughts running through it again. As a result, he was lost in them as he tried to make a decision. /A shinigami...one who collects the dead...how can I possibly save myself doing such a thing? Why do I deserve to be saved? I don’t...do I? Why is Enma Daioh offering me salvation? What makes me so special? My crimes are so hideous, so why do I deserve to be forgiven for them? I don’t...I don’t...I don’t know...I want so much...but I don’t want to make any more people suffer...can I even save others? No, I can’t. I can’t save anyone. Then why am I getting this offer? By doing this, can I learn to save someone else? Is that how I’ll save myself?/ The silence echoed through the room as seconds became minutes. Enma was patient, but also realized that he couldn’t allow Asato to think for too long. “Asato? Have you decided?” “This is...the only way?” “It is.” “Then...then I will do it.” Hidden in the shadows, Enma’s smirk was invisible to Asato. “Excellent. This is surely what is best for you. I will send you to the Shokan Division of Meifu, where you will join the others.” “Others?” “You will have a partner to help you in your job. Shinigami work in pairs, you see. Your chief will explain everything when you arrive.” “Chief...?” Asato was thrown into confusion. This was sounding more like a municipal job than the duty of a god. “Good luck, Asato.” The shadowed figure began to fade, causing the shrine to fill with light. “Wait!” Asato called before coughing from the strain on his voice. As the light grew, Asato realized that it wasn’t Enma but *he* who leaving the shrine. Apparently, Asato was going to the Shokan Division. The light became blinding and Asato shut his eyes and shielded his face. When light faded to normal daylight, Asato lowered his hand and opened his eyes to see what appeared at first to be a pile of rubble. But then he saw its organization and realized that it was a half-finished building. Oddly enough, the sky was perfectly clear and the sakura trees were in bloom. This wasn’t odd in and of itself except for the fact that Asato last remembered it being winter. But then, how long had it been since he’d been aware of his surroundings? More oddly, several people in business attire stood nearby, watching the progress of the rubble as it seemed to build itself. One of the people, a short, stocky, elderly-looking man, turned and faced Asato before walking the ten meters or so over to him. “Ah, you must be the newest member of our division,” the old man commented. How had this man known Asato was coming? Had his journey from Enma’s palace been longer than he thought? Or had Enma planned for everything to work out this way from the beginning? “I’m Konoe, the secretary of the Shokan Division,” the old man continued with a warm smile. “Pleased to meet you.” He bowed. Asato was thrown into a slight shock. A warm smile, a friendly greeting...for him? Enma must have lied: he must have gone to heaven. “And you? What’s your name, boy?” Konoe asked gently. “Oh, sorry! I’m Tsuzuki Asato,” Asato replied quickly and clumsily. “Pleased to meet you,” he added with a bow. It had been *far* too long since he’d formally introduced himself to someone. “Well, Tsuzuki-san, welcome to the division. You can dig around there for your office.” Konoe jerked his thumb to indicate the half-finished building. “What?!” Asato cried, beginning to panic. “Oh, I’m just kidding,” Konoe replied with a laugh. In response, however, tears began welling up in Asato’s eyes. The first person in so long to actually be nice to him was already laughing at him. It was all his fault, too, for being such an idiot. Damn it, why did he have to be so... The laughter faded from Konoe’s face and he blinked in surprise. What had he done to get this young man so upset? “Hey,” he interrupted whatever Asato’s line of thought had been, putting a hand on the young man’s shoulder. “Sorry if I offended you. Are you alright?” “I--I'm sorry,” Asato muttered, looking down, sniffing, and wiping at his eyes with his sleeve, as though he were a five-year-old who had just been scolded. “It’s nothing to apologize for. You didn’t do anything wrong.” As the young man nodded, Konoe looked the newest addition to the division over, unsure what to make of him. Usually shinigami had to pass a test to earn a place among the ranks. Shinigami that were hand-picked by Enma himself were very rare. In fact, this one was the first one Konoe had ever met. But this was hardly the kind of person Konoe would imagine would be chosen. The young man’s...purple? eyes seemed deeply haunted, and he got so upset over so little. He was easily the most emotionally fragile person Konoe had ever laid eyes on. He seemed in some ways to be such a child, but in others to be older than many adults. Konoe wondered what tragedies this young man had seen in the past, but more importantly what tragedies Konoe could help protect him from in the future. Without a doubt, Konoe loved Asato right away. “This building *will* be our office one day, but not today,” he explained, changing the subject, hoping to distract Asato from whatever was plaguing him. “You see, this building here in Meifu corresponds to the construction of the new National Diet Building on Chijou. As they build that one there, this one builds itself here. Once it’s finished, this will be the new headquarters for all of JuuOhCho. This will be the new EnmaCho.” Konoe’s plan seemed to have worked, as Asato seemed to have absorbed every word the secretary had spoken. “I see,” was the young man’s only reply as he turned his eyes to see as the bricks and steel moved on their own, piling on top of each other to slowly form a structure. “However, because they’re so slow in building on Chijou, we’re still working out of there,” Konoe pointed to a large wooden building about a half-mile away. “You’ll report there for now. Today, several of us are just inspecting the progress of the new building. We’re very excited about it. Times are changing here. Some people aren’t happy with the new direction EnmaCho is taking, but I think it’s time to let go of the past.” “I see,” Asato repeated, still watching the self-constructing building. “Follow me and I’ll introduce you to some other members of the division. Then I’ll take you to headquarters so you can meet the chief and get assigned to a partner.” “A--already?” Asato asked frantically, snapping to attention. “But I have no idea what I’m doing; I just know I’ll do it wrong!” Konoe smiled reassuringly. “Calm down, Tsuzuki-san. Everything will be alright. Just follow me.” Asato obeyed as Konoe walked back toward the other shinigami. He almost asked about the still-blooming sakura, but decided not to bother the old man with such a silly question. He also wanted to ask what day it was, but decided that that was an even sillier question. “By the way, have you eaten lunch yet?” Konoe asked. Taken completely off guard, Asato could only shake his head. But since Konoe’s back was to him, he added, “No, not yet.” “Well, then, I’ll have to take you. It won’t be that good, though. The pay for shinigami is terrible.” Konoe turned and smiled over his shoulder at Asato. “It’s especially hard if you have a fondness for sweets like I do. When I become chief, I’m going to make all my shinigami buy desserts for me to save myself the money.” He turned again from Asato as they reached the rest of the group. “Excuse me,” Konoe interrupted them. They all stopped talking and turned to him. “Everyone, this is the newest addition to our division, Tsuzuki Asato-san,” Konoe introduced. “Pleased to meet you,” Asato added nervously, bowing again. “You can call me...” Asato disappeared into thought for a moment as he tried to decide how to complete his statement. /Konoe-san said times are changing. It’s time for me to change, too. Like Enma Daioh said, in order to be free of past, the only way to go is forward./ Even if it was just this small change, it was a start. “You can just call me Tsuzuki.” - To be continued - (1) Quick note about the Diet Building: I did actually look this stuff up because I *am* in fact that much of a dork. It was built from 1920 to 1936, which is why it would be in the middle of construction when Tsuzuki died, but also why he wouldn’t know anything about it. Before it was finished, government business was conducted in a wooden Diet building near Hibiya Park (at least, according to the website I got the information from). I have *no* knowledge of the geography of Tokyo, so I have no idea how far that is from the current Diet Building. (2) I have a massive soft spot for Konoe. Okay, I have a massive soft spot for the entire cast of Yami no Matsuei (I haven’t liked an entire main cast this much since _Slayers_), but I feel like going on about Konoe. He’s so underappreciated, and much of the first couple of chapters here will focus on his relationship with Tsuzuki. But to clarify, when I said he loved Tsuzuki, I didn’t mean that in a romantic sense. You probably figured that. I hope you figured that. Also, I didn’t write Konoe a given name since we never get one for him anywhere and I didn’t want to make one up for him. (3) The way I have this, it’s going to focus almost entirely on Tsuzuki’s relationships with each of his partners and not on his entire experience in Meifu before Hisoka arrives, mostly because the latter will just take too long and I need something more specific to write about. But, there *will* be focus on Tsuzuki’s relationships with various canon characters whom he isn’t partnered with, like Konoe (obviously) and Watari, and plenty of Tsuzuki off angsting by himself. go back